The thing I love most about my relationship with Alex is that I feel like I can be myself. He soon became a part of my slightly dysfunctional, yet very loving, family. He fits in to both sides of my family, which I love, and I think the world of his family, too.
As much as I love being in a long-term and committed relationship with Al, I can't help but feel like I must be doing something wrong. All I hear is - "So when are you getting engaged?' "Ooooh shall I buy a hat?" "When do you think you'll settle down?". Now don't get me wrong, I am all for getting married and having babies, but I think that things like that have to happen in our own time, not because everybody else thinks we should. I'm the world's worst - I want it all now, but it's just not practical at the moment.
Although Alex works full time and is on really good money, he's not in the right job to settle down with just yet. The hours aren't practical, and definitely not suited to a family life. I am so maternal, and all my friends say I will be an amazing mum (and everyone knows I do love to squish a baby - I love them so much), but I'm just not ready for that kind of responsibility yet. I am 21. Alex is almost 25. We still have so much time. I'm still at university, studying a course that I'm absolutely in love with, and I have no plans of slowing down on my education any time soon. I love to learn, as I want to be wise and sensible. There's so much of the world that we want to see, enjoy and experience.
As you guys know, I'm a big fan of travel, and an even bigger fan of organisation. I love the idea of visiting new places in the world, and making the most amazing memories with my loved ones. As much as I would love to do that when I have children, they do make life very unpredictable... I just don't think I'm ready for that. Is that wrong? I'm not saying children will restrict me, because I think they only do if you really let them, but I do think that things will be harder - financially and physically.
I follow so many amazing parents on Instagram, young parents, single parents, happily married parents - and it's inspiriting, honestly. I am always on there looking at people and their little lives, their gorgeous babies, and the way their families run. I can't wait for that experience of my own, but right now, I'm not ready to give up my Louboutins, my Mulberry bags, my lazy Sundays and sleeping as and when I want.
I feel like there is so much conflicting pressure on young girls these days - you're wrong if you want to have a baby young because you automatically are accused of being lazy and just want a council house and benefits, but if you leave it too late you're accused of being too old to be a mum, and you can't give your child the best shot at life if you start late. I'd love to finish studying, work for a while, and then have children, but I don't want to be accused of living off my other half while he works for the money - but if I go back to work soon after I have a baby, it will be said that I'm not giving my role as a mother my full attention and I don't love my child. I just feel as though you can't win.
Everybody has their own idea of what a relationship should be like, but at the minute, I'm more than happy with how mine is working out for me. I am still young, we both are, and there's a lot we want to do before we bring a child into the madness that is our lives. As I type this, Alex has fallen asleep after watching some old Manchester United match, sprawled over the whole bed, and I've got my feet up on my desk with my slippers on, my keyboard on my lap and my post-it notes all over the place. It's just how I like it. No stress, no fatigue, no problems. I say no problems and no stress, the post-its are getting on my nerves being spread about like crazy so I'll tidy them in a minute. And I could do with a cup of tea. I'm getting quite sleepy too. But I like this. This is my choice. I can read a book if I want, go out for lunch, fake tan until my heart's content, take the dog for a walk. Anything. Because I can.
I love the little life that I have chosen to build around me. I have a small group of amazing friends, a lovely boyfriend, and I'm quite happy just bobbing along. If I want something, I work for it. If I want to go somewhere, I save for it. If something needs to be done, I just add it on to my to-do list, and wait for the right time.
I feel sad that some girls feel like they have to live their lives to suit other people and make others happy. You are the only one that can do you, be you. I wish people would see their own self worth, and realise that only they can make themselves happy deep down.
Be you!
With love, Georgie x
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